Ass_Trolled: Elon Musk

The man. The myth. The meltdown.

Welcome to your regular look at the chart of someone we love, or someone we hate. Hell, maybe even someone we don’t have opinions on but we really want to (helloooo 525 members of Congress). Just a disclaimer so you don’t sue me like a rich [alleged] coward whose biggest gun is his wallet and his [allegedly] littlest [alleged] gun is metaphorical: please do not interpret any of this as fact. It is the arbitrary and unfounded opinion of the writer and not of anyone who should be sued for making fun of rich [alleged] idiots. And just to get this out the way, we call all of ‘em planets. That’s the way we do things in astrology and also Ass_Troll_Orgy as a matter of protocol.

Elon Musk needs no introduction as he is fucking everywhere all the time and we cannot escape his sneering mug on anything with a screen. He even permeates when you hide your head in a giant hoodie, in the dark, in the land where missing socks go. There, some tale of something incredibly dumb he said still rattles around like an echo in the dome of St Paul’s. So if we have to deal with him, let’s do it with insight:

House 1: Cancer (Sun, Mercury, ASC)
House 2: Leo
House 3: Virgo (Moon, Pluto)
House 4: Libra (Uranus, Imum Coeli)
House 5: Scorpio (Jupiter)
House 6: Sagittarius (Neptune)
House 7: Capricorn (DSC)
House 8: Aquarius (Mars, North Node)
House 9: Pisces
House 10: Aries (Chiron, Midheaven)
House 11: Taurus
House 12: Gemini (Venus, Saturn

Elon’s Masculinity Is A Big Deal For Him
I don’t know what is inside Elon Musk’s cargo shorts, but he certainly acts like a dude who is paranoid about how his masculinity is perceived. It is rather pathetic because he is 1) the richest person in the world, 2) essentially owns his own media outlet, 3) is such a red-blooded boy he won’t speak to his transgender kid, and 4) literally made his billions by potentially solving a large part of the climate crisis (although we regressed somewhat with that truck attempt that looks like it was designed for the Nintendo 64). How is such a man, in such a position, who has had more success than any human being who has ever lived, at only 53 years old, such a defensive loser?

Let me tell you - it is that Cancer sun and Aries Chiron (10th house). In the first house, shit gets real, fast. Here we deal with identity, assertiveness, individuality and